Aim For the Heart!
As a full-time hairstylist you can imagine how many women I come in contact with In a months time. For this reason, I wear multiple hats sometimes including being a Confidant, Counselor and even to some, a “Big Brother”. A few years ago I came in contact with a new client who was in her mid 20’s and just seemed really burdened. I felt the negative energy when she walked into the salon, it traveled with her as she made her way to my styling chair. I never knew her, she came into my life unsolicited and unannounced but for some reason, I felt her pain. A kindred spirit, if you will. I began to consult with her as I do with every new client and through her answers she begin to reveal pieces of a puzzle that i was finally beginning to piece together. She was looking for love in all the wrong places!..We talked and we laughed and she loved her hair when i finished (of course!) she scheduled a few more appointments and we grew even more closer, I even called her my “Lil Sister”. As our “kindred spirits” continued bonding, I broke a cardinal rule of mine and we saw each other outside of business hours (stylist, beware as this is not my usual advice) we went to a concert and to dinner, platonically of course. During dinner she told me how much she admired my relationship with my partner Nate of 14 years, she told me that she hasnt had any luck meeting a man that appreciated her and “gave” her what she felt she deserved. After a hour of hearing her ramble (thats what it sounded like), I asked a question, “What do you Need from a man in order for him to be your Mr.Right? and after nearly 3 minutes of silence, tears began to flow from her eyes, I allowed her to “release” her frustration uninterruptedly and then she said that the relationships she had been in, she felt she gave all over herself mind, BODY and soul and received little or nothing. She also said that she dreamed of a man that would shower her with kisses, gifts and attention, yet she allowed herself to settle for cheap sex, a birthday text and “I’ll see ya when i see ya!”. This happens to so many other men and women around the world but ironically, it also happened to me. Before I met the wonderful person I call my “spouse” Nate, I was on a rollercoaster of broken relationships, broken hearts and empty bank accounts as i tried to love the wrong people and “convince” the wrong people to love me. This mistake was often a costly one as I felt the need to “buy” love with costly gifts, vacations and items that i couldnt even enjoy, let alone afford. This is what I now know for sure, God has every little detail of our lives already planned out, details as minute as to what we chose to wear to work today to a decision as important as to who we will finally meet and marry. Our job is to walk the walk, learn from all our mistakes and grow from them because until we learn the lesson, we will repeat the course. Some courses come in the form of us settling and staying in bad relationships, some in the form of us attracting abusive partners, Poor self esteem an so forth. LEARN THE LESSON THE FIRST TIME! Oprah Winfrey, my unofficial life coach, once said that life sometimes speaks to us in a whisper, it’s that inner voice that whispers in your spirit when something happens and makes you say to yourself “huh, thats odd?!”Oprah says that if you don’t get the whisper, the message gets a bit louder. It becomes a pebble (a problem); then a brick (a crisis), then a wall falling down on you (a full-blown disaster). I shared with my client/friend that she deserved everything that she wanted from both life and in a mate but SHE allowed herself to settle for less as so many of us have. You have to “Ask” for what you want and understand that your partner may not be wiling or even able to give you what u want and need, you then need to decide if staying and settling is an option. Teach people how to treat you. You also need to make sure that you are realistic, there aren’t many people nowadays that are going to allow themsleves to be used “just” for their resources. Another thing that I know for sure and I KNOW this because i live it everyday and have lived it for the past 12 years ( it took me 2 years to lock him down lol) I know that if you Aim for his heart, his wallet will follow. Love is an action word, it is impossible to love someone without giving to them, whether it be of your time, your actions or YES!, even your money. I am blessed that i am in a relationship where my partner and I actually try and out give to one another. My client moved to California last February and we keep in touch on a regular basis. Last weekend I recieved a text from her that read “Guess who’s getting married?”..She found Mr.Right!, their love story started when she was at a job fair and she kept running into a guy by accident (how many of you know, there is no such thing as an accident) to make a long story short they exchanged numbers and went on a few small dates here and there and she really was playing the hard ball with him (And as a man, we love the chase). He never told her what he did for a living only that he currently wasn’t working, she didn’t even mind that he wasn’t working because she remembered what she and i had talked about.
The relationship blossomed and i knew she was truly happy and in love. One evening we chatted on the phone and she told me that she was meeting him that evening for dinner because he had something to tell her. She was indeed terrified of what the news could be, I urged her to remain calm and that it was probably nothing to worry about. To make a long story short, what he had to tell her was that he was a Profesdional football player and would be leaving for a few weeks. It ends up that my friend was dating a player from the San Francisco 49ers they have had a wonderful relationship and plan to wed this Christmas in Jamaica. Everything that she has wanted in a man was given to her when she stopped “searching” for it and settling for less. She now has all the Gucci and Prada a girl could want and a big ‘ole house being custom built (with a room for me). Love sometimes take a minute to arrive at your door. my advice is when the doorbell rings, don’t turn it away because it doesn’t “look” like what you expected.